We are still in the middle of the painful process as a family of church hunting. Doing that lonely load up into our car each Sunday morning and heading off to a different church and dropping our kids off with a different room full of people who they have never met. I’ve only got one thing to say about this. It sucks. Really really sucks.
This week however gave us both positive movement, and was a terrible disaster at the same time. Let me explain…
It was good in the fact that it helped to concrete inside of us what we now understand is our most important goal that we are looking for in a Christian community. Ready for it?
Oh that word, its so overused, so many times a banner over just the opposite. “Look at us, perfect, wonderful, unblemished authentic people”
But as we sat in the back of a particularly hip church, watching as the pastor spewed about how he and his wife gave up worry many many years ago and instead how they sit and do their best Austin Powers impression when things go wrong. I am not joking. This guy was using himself as the most perfect presentable example of faith and trust in God done right. “If you really want to be a good christian, just be like me” He said as he then went on to mock people who worry or doubt.
Guys. I worry. I doubt. I struggle. I disbelieve. I freak out.
The most important thing that I look for in a church to bring my family to is a community of people who not only do the same, but they are willing to admit it, people who will tell you about the process, will show you that their salvation is a work in progress, a walk, not a done thing that made them perfect people once and for all.
My advice is if you ever find yourself in a church where the pastor is holding his own life up as the example of “perfect”. Walk out right then because you have met someone who is going to fail simply because they have too much to live up to. Pretending to be perfect is like a pressure cooker, eventually its going to blow up, and when it does the whole kitchen is going to be a huge mess.
The irony, of sitting in this church service, just a day after we posted on this blog about the need that we had at Bring Love In, just after putting out hearts out there, doubts, worries and all, man that just felt like too much. For a moment I even wondered if we were doing the wrong thing, if we instead should have been making this face about the worries…
God has it… We should have said as we rolled our eyes and mocked the huge swath of difference between how much was coming in compared to our costs.
Hmm. I am not feeling it. I just don’t have it in me guys. I can’t even fake that kind of faith. I have well worn knees, not because I get on them in peace, and am able to trust every time, but these knees are warn because I fall on them, I stumble onto them, I get rug burn as I land with a skid onto them, and then I cry out to God for the help that only he can give. And then, God moves.
This past week was a whirlwind for Jessie and I. We received emails from nearly every corner of the earth, people writing to express their support, to pledge help, to renew donations, and to create new ones. People who could barely afford to give were opening up their wallets and committing to cut back on expenses so that they could help these kids and this mission of creating new families.
Guys, God is good. Very Very Good!
And although I doubt we will ever really get that through our heads, and I can almost assure you that next time things get scary we are going to freak out and worry again, God has this. He really truly does.
While we are not out of the woods yet, and still find ourselves in need of monthly commitments to help with the ongoing monthly costs, we see that God is in this, and that he is able to move on hearts all over the world to bring the resources together when they are needed.
Thanks for your prayers, for your support even though we are far from perfect, and for your love and care for this mission despite our failings as people. We are thankful that you are willing to push with us towards a goal, to strive for something good for these kids. In spite of us, not because of us.
Together we can look towards God, we can trust in His unfailing love, and thank him for all that he gives us, struggles, and all.