1. When waking in the middle of the night in the 10th house in as many days, finding the bathroom can be a challenge.  The best and most common tactic is to stand quietly in the hallway and listen for faucet drips or leaks, often bathrooms will emit small noises that tip off an otherwise disoriented house guest.  If no noises are heard one can resort back to the often ill fated method of “trying doors”.  We advise guests to whistle quietly to alert startled hosts of your presence just in case you might be entering into their bedroom instead of the bathroom.

2. Truck stops are not good places to buy food.

Often un-seasoned travelers will fall into the trap of believing the marketing that one encounters while venturing into a truck stop to use the restroom. This industry veterans refer to as a “rookie mistake”, and should be avoided at all costs.

Items such as the Insta-Shake (Instant malt milk shake in a cup) and the Big Jim’s Red Hot Thunder Stick, are not food, and should not be mistaken as such.

3. A sleepwalking child should always be waken up

Despite what you may have heard, the myth that a sleepwalking child should be left alone is simply not true. When a disoriented child is found wondering the halls of a home that is unfamiliar to them in the middle of the night, the parent is advised to wake the child as quickly as possible, this is to avoid the risk of a repeat offense moments later by the same child. Many sleepwalking children find that a un-initiated parent who merely places them back in the bed only feeds the child’s desire to “go sightseeing” during their sleep.

4. The internet is wrong

When one goes searching for travel times to help them estimate how long they will be spending in the car, and they find themselves on such internet sites as Google Maps, Bing or Map quest one must learn that all travel times given from one destination to another are set at to the internationally recognized “Minus 2 hours” formula.  Thus unsuspecting traveler often misreads the “Travel time 4 hours” at the bottom of the screen as literal, when the real travel time is actually 6 hours.

Also we recommend a disclaimer be sent out to all host families;

All arrival times are approximate.  

It has been found that this specific wording helps avoid confusion created by guests who forgot to calculate the appropriate Minus 2 hours formula into their arrival times.

5. “Hi!  Can we use your laundry?”

Is a perfectly and acceptable introduction method when meeting new friends. This has been tried several times by our team of research professionals and so far no cases have been reported of a team being kicked out, or otherwise shunned by unsuspecting host families.

6. America is large

Pretty simple here, not much explanation necessary. Just a general warning to those who do plan on traveling across the country and visiting thirty three different states in ten weeks.

7. McDonalds is not good

Again, this one does not need much in the way of detail.  Only the warning that you consider the gurgling feeling that will sink into your stomach after you eat at McDonalds whilst deciding on where to eat.

8. Plug in coolers are recommended

When considering what to purchase before your trip around America, we recommend looking into the purchase of a 12v cooler that will keep your food fresh and cool during your travels.  Additionally a small 110v-12v adapter is advised so that your food can stay cool in the evenings (in the house) and your car battery will not be drained in the morning.  We had one case of a research team who on multiple occasions left the cooler plugged in at night, only to find that the car needed to be jumped in the morning.

9. How to take a bath with baby wipes

Step one

Ensure you have selected a bathroom with no open windows, or broken door locks. Absolute privacy is essential.

Step two

Confirm that the wipes you have selected are unscented, or are at the very least a mild scent such as Aloe, or Fresh.

Floral or baby powder scents are to be avoided at all costs.

Step three

Remove clothing.

Step four

Wipe down thoroughly.

Step five

Repeat when necessary, however it is not recommended that more than two Baby Wipe Showers are attempted in a row, one must still place a high value on obtaining Real Showers as often as is convenient.

Step six

Apply a liberal amount of deodorant.

 

 

 

If you want to find out more about our crazy road trip around america, and why we are doing it, head over here and read all about it.  Chances are we are coming to a city near you!

Levi

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