It’s 7:40 in the evening and I am enjoying “My Ten Minutes” the tiny slice of time between when the kids are all in bed, Jessie has gone up to wind down and when my Amharic teacher arrives with his big nasty pair of pliers to twist my tongue up for an hour until it’s a bruised mess in my mouth.
I sit for a moment and consider what I will do with this time, and as I often do when I have a moment to breathe, I decide to grab my computer and start scanning the internet. First to Facebook, then on to a few blogs, the news, and round and round like this I go until all my time has been wasted, and taken my mind with it in the process.
“What am I doing?” I silently ask myself just as a loud rap echoes from the metal gate to our compound signaling that my teacher has arrived. I stand to make my way over to the door, trying with each step to shake off the fog that has settled in my head.
Later that evening, after my teacher has finished doing his worst to my poor mouth, I sit back down on the couch and think about opening my computer again. Not that anything will have changed since last time, maybe a few new witty remarks on Facebook to read, or perhaps the visitor counter on this website has jumped through the roof in the last hour… Unlikely, but maybe I should give it a whirl??
The problem is, I am a creation of His. Created to be fed by Him, created to need to be close to Him. But I won’t find Jesus there in the rumpus.
In that place, that noisy hodgepodge of voices online where all the “personalities” vie for attention and the information flies past our eyes at un-human speeds; I have only ever found more fog, more confusion, want for things that I do not have, and a dim view for the things I already own.
Not that the Internet is to blame, these tendencies have always been a part of who we are. It’s different now though, with all these new toys to help us “access” unnatural doses all at once.
Deep down though I still crave him
We were all born hungry, designed to want intimacy with our creator, but we get to choose what to eat, and with each passing day technology gets better at tricking us into thinking we are getting those-core of our beings-needs filled when we use it.
When I stop to look back in my own life I remember that there have been seasons of true intimacy with God, times when it felt like I could reach out and touch his face, grasp the fabric of his love all around me.
But then other times,
er uh, truthfully… most of the time,
I am not hungry for Him because I filled up on garbage. I took in the junk food that this world was serving up and sat contented, unwilling to dig for the real food that he created me to eat.
If it’s not water from the living well and food from His spirit we are eating from the wrong restaurant entirely!
Dog food instead of fine dining.
Although I might not have all the answers for how to get around this part of modern society, I do know one thing for certain today; if we get on our knees and ask Him to make us hungry for Him, to make us crave intimacy with Him; He will change our hearts and give us the ability to see clearly.
This is one prayer that will never go unanswered.
God I want to crave you, I want to be hungry for you every day, and I want to learn to tune out the well crafted distractions and seek your heart instead. Help me.
Today I want to get naked before Him, to strip down the layers of distractions and just be here with my creator. I want to learn to open my heart to His still small voice and to ignore the other noises that all have the volume cranked to the limit.
How about you, what have you found helps you hear His voice more clearly?