The irony of my writing this post, today, just after the last post about lessons on faith, is not lost on me. I am pretty much up to speed on the fact that God likes to teach and re-teach on this subject often. (Insert long drawn out sigh here) Even though Jessie and I feel like we want to crawl into a hole and ask Him to let the rain come another day, I found myself having to go back and read my own words about “seasons”, “His timing”, and our complete “dependence” on Him every day, and to try and stand today on these week knees while trying to keep our eyes on Him.
I must however move forward through this right now, because part of me is dreaming about how much more fun it would be to write all about how we have it together, and how we succeed at everything we put our minds to over here with this project, yet I would be remiss if I were to one day write about how important it is to be honest when we fail, and then to fake it the next. So this post, however uncomfortable to write, is about letting the raw-heart of life and the journey of faith, hang out there. (Which, it turns out, is another lesson in faith in it’s own right.)
Now that I have your oh-so perked attention…. Let me dive in here.
This week has been a struggle for us. No way to say it with other words. Today, we are getting ready for the first of two final government inspections that will allow us to start taking in children from the government orphanage into our new Forever Families.
But, now let me say this next part in no uncertain terms; The getting-ready for this inspection has taken a toll on our family and all of the staff here who work with us. Emotionally, it has been a push like no other. I don’t know how to describe it, other than to say that there has been so much invested in this, and all this intense build up to the “getting kids” moment, and at the same time there are so many components that needed to come into place to get this all to happen… It was just a lot, and a lot went wrong this week.
The goal when we started out last week, was to have the first two homes fully set up before the inspection. I know, many of you in other places that are not Ethiopia are thinking “No big deal” but trust me when I say, getting everything that we needed for these houses was a lion sized task that took every hour of every day, and even now, we are not even finished.
At the end of the day today; we have one house with everything we need inside it (not set up, but at least in the building), but the second one… We had a bit of a miscommunication with the landlord and the keys only showed up just now, a few hours before the inspection was scheduled. (Thankfully the call just came in a bit ago that they are rescheduling us for tomorrow morning at 7 AM)
Then, the next part here has me wondering why I ever though I could speak with any authority on the topic of faith….. Money has gotten beyond tight this week. Although Jessie and I keep telling each other in reassuringly calm voices “He is in charge” secretly we both are worried sick about how little money there is right now in the Bring Love In account.
Yes, we have a special account with money in it for a van purchase (one that we will buy as soon as we get that approval letter from the government allowing us to own a vehicle (long story for another day…)) and we even have money for the three next Forever Family Home’s set up expenses, but all of that is in restricted accounts, and it seems like the “general funds” account is dropping about as fast as the American government’s deficit is growing.
The unexpected expenses came out of the woodwork this week, and they were not pretty; Things like two dining room table and chair sets that cost double what we had budgeted for, the truck that needed to take ten trips across town to deliver the furniture (and was not in the budget), the home that was a great price (monthly) but needed an entire set of kitchen cabinets before we could move the family in, the list goes on… and the account goes down.
So here I am, the guy who said… I have learned all of this, and this, and that, about faith, getting a whammy of a faith lesson today. Learning again to fall on my knees first with the struggles of this world, and give them all to the One who can handle anything.
God is good! He is in charge, and He does have a plan in place for everything that we see before us; we know all of that, and yet when Jessie and I sit together and look at the account and see zero, and then look ahead and see more expenses coming, we find a faith-challenge before us that requires a new kind of trust in Him that we know little about.
I am fully aware that this might be a little to much voice-shaking honesty for you, but what was all that about faith if I won’t be honest two days later when the pop quizzes seem to be coming before the lesson was even taught.
So, here we are today before you, people who stepped out into the uncomfortable in hopes that He would catch-us and use-us, and today we are finding that it is oh-so dark here inside these blindfolds and our wobbly feet seem to be finding only rocks and no path.
If you could pray for us, for strength, stronger faith and some extra funds right now to help get Bring Love In past this phase of getting the first (of hopefully many) new families created, we would be so grateful.